This year started off rather unpleasantly with the ending of my 2.5yr long relationship. It's been almost a year now, but some days it still feels like it happened yesterday. Friends and family has kinda taken a backseat this year, with my relationship and career being the 2 dominating themes.
As of now, I think I'll always wonder if I could have saved our relationship. It's not like either of us committed a major deal breaker. But as some tell me, when a relationship can't heal, it dies which I agree with. It's not like I told her I didn't want to be with her anymore, it was she who was telling me that. So I guess with that being said, there really wasn't much I could do to save it...no matter how much I changed...right?
I've never cared so much about a relationship succeeding before, I mean, yeah, I cared about some of my exs, but this one I really hoped we would make it, yet we still failed. I've never been so driven before to discover what went wrong, and I no longer accepted failure as just because "we weren't meant to be".
I've even gone as far as admitting myself for behavioral evaluation and therapy.
As painful as this one event in my life was, I didn't allow my life to stand still. I still kept my head high, and pretended like nothing was wrong (sometimes :P). I've made a lot of new friends this year and reinforced past friendships, and to some of you reading this, no doubt you are part of this list :).
Some pertinent lessons I take with me leaving 08 are:
1) Aggression does nothing but drive a wedge between 2 people.....no more will I ever yell at my gf when we argue, or if I disagree with anything unless I want that wedge between us to erode our relationship.
2) That love isn't enough....to not count on my gf to love me even if I turn fat cuz she loves me. To think it's ok to fail in my career and my woman will stand by me because "she loves me". I'll no longer take the easy route anymore....
3) To no longer dwell and wait for the score to even... "Happiness in a relationship is 1 part forgiving and 1 part forgetting" a friend of mine says. I'll only have 2 choices from now on a) Forget what happened cuz I want to stay with you and move forward happy or b) leave the relationship because I just can't forgive and forget what you did...no more c) I'll stay with you hoping you'll make it up to me even tho you might, but I can't get over it so I'll keep upping the bar and still hope that you do while staying miserable and depressed the entire time....
4) To be happy....happy to have someone...happy to be loved...and happy to get whatever I can out of this maniacal financial market of ours....and to be happy that to some people, I am special in my unique way to all of them..to never allow depression to take over my life again like it did this year...
5) To accept change...since to deny change is to deny growth.
I set you free my love, and hope you find all that you ever dreamed of in NY...I know now when someone tells me she loves me, it's not because she won't leave me, it's just really...I wish you didn't have to leave when you do.
I love you....so I must let you go now....I wish I can be with you...but I understand why I won't...
I hope my friends who read this can take something from this with them.....and if not, I'm really happy for you that you don't have to :)
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